peat!

Dear Zach Galifianakis,

I am a long time fan, first time writer. I feel like you have “it” but you have yet to really make "it" to the top. I started to think, “Why has he not become super famous, why doesn’t everyone know the name Galifianakis?” Then it came to me, you must start your own ‘Kis Army! Hordes of fans ready to die for your merchandise ideals, people who will argue over your jokes and their relativity to everyday life.
Now I know what you’re thinking: Thongs, but you must go further. Think about all the famous people, what do they have? Crazies. And now we have arrived to why I have decided to send this letter, I want you to hire me as you’re alpaca shepherd. I will don a white robe and follow around one alpaca, one that you have deemed worthy. For this to work you must choose an alpaca that is of the correct lineage, one of holy descent. You will make this alpaca your god and savior and I, you’re lonely shepherd will take care of your alpacas every need.
Although this may cause problems, such as I might (big might) become a messiah/prophet/false prophet. This may lead to things like plagues, magic and trying to predict the future. Anyway, I don’t need your fancy life style; I just need your alpaca and do you validate parking?

Sincerely,


Jack

Let's Get the Ball Rolling

In a world where few people know what/who they I have recently come to a conclusion. That I am in fact one of the four horsemen, it wasn't my choice but I kept having these voices telling me that I would end the world when I was a lad. These very same voices told me that I would die young, in my twenties as an alternative to the whole apocalyptic job. I actually bet someone that I would die young, although I don't know how he is gonna get money. Anyway, what I am trying to say that I want my friend to win. You must kill me, or if you have the power of Constantine (Keanu Reeves), that would be acceptable.

Now I know what you're thinking, you'll come off as insane . Killing some random person and claiming to "have killed the fourth horseman!" But it's perfect, you have insanity on your side. So my up-and-coming assassin, show me what you can do! Cause I ain't going down without a fight.

A friendly reminder from the fourth horseman.

Visioneers!

FTW!

Sausage

The history of the sausage is a long one, still truly unknown, being produced in almost every nation around the world. The meat product was and is a popular one, being easily stored for years without refrigeration. Believed to be originated from present day Iraq, It came to be from the mixture of domesticated animals (lamb and goat) with the import of new found spices. It quickly spread across the land.
The First record of Sausage in history is around 500 B.C. from Homer's Odyssey and a comedy titled "The Sausage" by Epicharmus.

For more information on the sausage check out wikipedia.

The New Face of Porn

Are you tired of all the types of porn, bondage, never nude, foot, hentai and/or Myspace? Enter Abstract Porn or Ab-Po (patent pending) will bring the world to a completely sexually driven society. It will make the FDA obsolete and absurd. So what is Ab-Po? Simply put, it is any picture that has no sexual content, until the viewer is told that it is sexual. Look at that boat image; it didn't seem sexual until now! The clouds, the shape of the buildings, the dirty dirty windows are now etched into the audiences mind as sexy.

The revolution that is Ab-Po will take the world by storm! It will make us think about pictures in a different light. With more images being considered sexually explicit, there will be an economic boom. It has been proven that if a product can be associated with sex, it will sell at a higher rate. Ab-Po will save the USA! (To become an investor send your money to: Limbless Jack).

Why would anyone choose Ab-Po over the regular porn?

• Because it isn't porn, no one can get in trouble looking at neutral pictures.
  
• It's the greatest pornography ever! It is what your imagination makes it!
• It's economical.