Toonces: His Story

Toonces was born on May 20th,  1983 with 7 other brothers and sisters. Many said he was different from the litter; he liked to do things that he wasn't very good at. At age 3 months and a half, Toonces decided to go a different route, he joined the Air Force to fight in the Grenada Conflict.

Toonces was dishonorably discharged for reckless behavior after only 2 months of service. He returned to the states and became a house cat, but he had shell shock and couldn't shake it. He turned to driving: recklessly. This caught the attention of Lorne Micheals, producer of the late night show, Saturday Night Live. Toonces was an instant hit, his skits were one of the few that were actually funny on the show during that time. But Toonces wanted to branch out, he was tired of being just the butt of jokes, but he had become type cast. He turned to drugs, drinking and driving. Those who knew him by the end say it was the cat nip that really did him in and yellow walls.

Toonces plays table tennis

David | MySpace Video

Exercise and The Night Walker

Devoted fans, I would like to turn your attention to a very special guest we have dwelling on the other side of my brain. He is not much for words, we don't actually know his name, but he is known as the Night Walker. One of his favorite activities is walking at night. The Night Walker would like to explain the ways he thinks everyone should exercise, but he is a drunk so Jack will paraphrase.

...Now fill the flask with a hard liquor and wait for dark because light hurts. Go to the bars, you must walk and preferably in a bad neighborhood. Drink as much as you can until the bars close. Now get home as fast as you can without anything but your own two feet. The people you will see will defiantly keep you motivated. Keep mind that breathing is important, so do it as little as possible (always have to be prepared for an unexpected choking).

If you're not into the whole running home from bars, there is another way. Locate yourself. Then find where the Minotaur lives (he's like a mean Richard Simmons, with the same outfit). And I know what you ladies are thinking, men only face Minotaurs, what can us women folk do? Well I have the answer, just like the Minotaur's mom, Pasiphaë, you can have sex with a bull. You will need someone to build you a cow outfit. The cow outfit will work your upper body, while the bull will work your lower...consult a doctor about being mounted by a bull before you take on this endeavor...ehhh?

Out of the Closet

Who is to judge? The closet holds all your clothes, but where are your dreams and ambitions? How can you focus on your dreams and aspirations everyday when you're bogged down with a 9-5 job? Easy! Just fill your closet with pictures of what you want! In my case it's world domination (with a side of traveling). Follow my lead (you'll be forced to eventually) and build your dreams in your closet or for the kids in your locker. As the imaginary friend in my stomach always tells me, "Dress for success before you go to sleep and pick a color from 1 to 10, CLOSET!"

Edit: Yes I only wear wetsuits...Nothing wrong with that!

LET US PLAY...

Welcome folks to the game show that is taking the country by storm! We would to thank everyone who has been supporting our show and a special shout out to Harold for all his contributions.  So for those of you who don't know how this game works, it's very simple, we will show three wounds. And you will have to....

GUESS                  THAT                  WOUND!!!

This first picture is an easy one folks. Our judges are waiting by for your call. If you can correctly guess the cause of this injury, you can move onto the next and closer to that 100 million!

Ahhhh-lright viewers it looks like it is a lil more challenging this time around, keep in mind that you only get one guess when you call in.

And there you have it folks, the last picture! Can you....GUESS    THAT    WOUND?  From all of us at Guess That Wound, we would like to thank you for watching and join us next week when the winners from this round compete head to head for that $100 million prize!

Halloween

Halloween is just around the corner and in honour (I did it the British spelling because I believe it has more weight that way) I have changed my blog to a ghoulish orange.  And I would like to give a shout out to all my loyal fans who have been sending me their pictures trying to get up on Limbless's blog and for your hard work I will put a few of the standouts (aka da tree).

Mike69nutz sent this in and I have to give him kudos for the hard work that he did with the posters in the background. "I really wanted to show people that your weaker arm could be made into something better than just a killer, a proficient killer."

Bears41ife has been sending me emails and pictures for a solid year now, I appreciate the clothed ones. Anyways I think time travel as a cabana boy would be enlightening.

2hawt4u sent this very hot and most obviously current picture of herself as roller girl from the movie Boogie Nights. "I just really wanted to be in the past, so I went all the way back to 1997. And choose that movie cause William Macy is sooo soo hawt."

And the winner of the contest is: Kugarz22, "I just wanted to be like so da bomb. I went vintage, you know, I wanted to be Rocky...but it is so uncool to be a lady and not be sexy on Halloween. So I added Adrian and Dolly Parton to spice up the custom." What a mosaic,  huh guys? Sooo bomb diggity. wurd.








I would like to thank all that participated and those who haven't just yet, keep those photos coming. I would also like to state (again) please do not send me time sensitive material, because as it is I forgot what year it was yesterday and I can barely hold onto the days of the week, let alone whats going.