Murder's OSS

Do you find yourself unable to find a One Stop Shop for all your heinous needs and deeds? That annoying dog that keeps you up all night? That dead prostitute just lying in your hotel room? Well we've got the solution for you at Murder's One Stop Shop.  Your local gardening/hardware store doesn't have the answers that our confidant (legally bound to keep quiet) staff will have. Our aisle are set in an easy to use system, from murder weapons, costumes and most importantly clean up supplies and chemicals.

We Want You to Feel Confidant with Each Kill!









We only accept cash, it is for your own protection.

The Year 2016

In the Year 2016, There will be a great bond between the President of the United States and that of the Prime Minister of Canada. Their elections campaigns coincided at relatively the same time and their backgrounds made them good friends.


After President Obama finished his second term, the Democrats were in need of a strong candidate. The Green Party had a formable opponent, Robert K. Dole Jr., Son of Bob Dole. Luckily, the Democrats got their own contender: Paul Giamatti. Originally a semi-popular actor in the early 2000's, by the late teens he had become a has been.  Determined to get back in the limelight, he threw his hat in for presidency. Many thought it a joke, but he soon gained traction. Especially when he did the first international, cross-country campaign ticket. He teamed up with Canadian hopeful David Broadfoot, a comedian turned political advocate. Broadfoot had a long career as a comedian, and in later years had started writing political books. The two candidates took a road trip starting in New York and traveling in and out of each others country, giving joint speeches, interviews and photo ops. The road trip was highly successful and gave the two candidates a huge bump which eventually lead them to victory.

-Limbless Jack reporting from the Future

Birth Control

Have you ever felt that Axe Body Spray is not protecting you enough? I mean it is ridiculous, after applying, you have maybe 3 to 10 seconds before you are bombarded by very attractive women. Well thanks to the scientists at Axe, we have now added quick drying latex condom feature. Simply Spray Axe Body Spray and Liquid Condom® on the areas you want to smell nice and prevent births. So let those rabid ladies have their way with you, we've got you cover!

The Pros and Cons of Dating a Werewolf

A collaboration between 16,000/Square Mile and myself, we determined:

Pros
    Protection from vampires
    Protection from criminals who do not carry guns that hold silver bullets
    Night vision   
    Heightened senses
    Can walk around during the daytime
    The song "Werewolves of London"
    Retriever qualities

    Rabies proof?

    

Cons
    Ogre hands
    Full moon full crazy
        "Moonstrations"
    Rage blackouts (jealousy?)
    Ending up naked in public not on purpose or with your significant other
    Cage expenses
    Unexplained wounds

 

Not accepted by both parties as pros

    Tails

    Furry

    Mouth is cleaner than humans.  It has been Scientifically proven beyond a doubt!
    Super human strength

   

Famous couples that had this burden

    Glenn Close and David Evans Shaw

    Steven Tyler and Bebe Buell

Very Dangerous & Highly Illegal Criminals Investigate, warn & find Source.

To the embassies, military/intelligence or any human rights agency.

Hello,

Please read carefully and investigate. This is of great military and political importance. Consider this to be of very high priority. The nature of this information and the truth behind it is extremely vastly evil and lethal. If I don't hear from you all, you are affected.

The United States or some secret agency is using an energy weapon to conduct surveillance and manipulation on civilians, military personnel, politicians and high ranking people in society. They have used the weapon invasively and lethally, even on your nations and maybe "yourselves". The weapon  and transmitter sends micro pulses (electric impulses, microwave, electromagnetic pulses, lazer or some type of energy/ "light") that detects brainwaves and can manipulate it. The energy generated (find out) mimics the same electric wave that our body uses for any purpose. The weapon is entirely capable of controlling the mind and all actions as well as any electronic devise. It is no lie, it affects the weather too. There is plenty of research and can be looked in any search engine under "Direct Energy Harrasement". "DO NOT DOUBT".   If you have read this, your mind is under influence and will not be capable to think. "Know that you cannot think or act now".

You are supposed to investigate. Please help others understand and act. Find the source and stop it. It seems to be from the U.S. Military, secret service or some part of the American culture. Know the weapons capability and program your mind to investigate and find the source.

Follow these instructions knowing they can affect you:

• Have a schedule or daily routine (do not deviate) and follow it word for word, thought to thought until you attain your objective.
• Please look after each other and "progress" towards attaining your objective.
• Your objective is to stop this weapon. 
• You are supposed to know what the weapon has done since August 2005 (it has been used lethally on politicians, high ranking people and civilians). 

If possible devise a brain wave reader, polygraph or some way to get know the truth. Make sure your programs aren't hacked into. The light weapon is capable of rewriting all programs undetected. Utilize a supercomputer or the latest technology to help you neutralize the threat. Seek after people that know of this.

Threat level classification -- High. Please notify military, defense and intelligence personnel. As well as politicians (Cabinet, President of Prime minister). In due time please tell police and civilians

This is an invasion weapon, YOU CANNOT THINK PROPERLY because you maybe influenced. I repeat YOU MAY NOT be able to THINK. This is not a joke, use a brainwave reader, a polygraph or any detection method to know the truth (use latest technological advances and know that the electric signals can and are manipulating your mind). The weapon is far ranging, widespread (can lock onto many people through a supercomputer), and accurate enough to read and manipulate brainwave activities.
Contact me please. I along with many people have been oppressed by "white ideals" since 2005 or 2007 even since 1960's after Martin Luther King. Racism is existent in the U.S. as well as any other nation, yet they even affect the white majority for selfish, secret purposes in research and militaristic activities.

Presently they are in your countries and in your minds. This isn't a joke. They have used it here and abroad to test this weapon because of Al Qaeda and terrorism.

YOU CANNOT THINK. PLS INVESTIGATE AND SOLVE.