Drinks Don't Make You Fat!

....It is what you eat while you're intoxicated! I feel Alcohol has gotten a bad rap for being a fattening agent in our culture.

I subscribe to the theory that  if it doesn't stick to your body then it won't get you fat. So pour that Cosmopolitan, that peanut and jelly sandwich and those french fries on you.  Obviously, The Cosmo is the least fattening of the bunch. Go out there and stick it to your belly and see for yourself what is really causing the weight gain.

The Klan Kleans!

Tired of all those black smudges on your white walls/tiles/bathrooms? Well its time to employ the Ku Klux Klan. The Klan's deep hatred of black smudges will simmer that smear right off.  Made of complete organic hatred, you can be sure its safe for whitey.

Have a spot? Reach for the Klan!

Kids Toys

I believe that society has wasted too much energy on children. Honestly, they are mostly a waste of space until they grow up and start producing for our wonderful country.  America is in trouble and I believe that we need to stop focusing on our future, children, they can deal with their future when they need to, we got our own problems.

That's why I suggest that we go back to the golden age of children's toys, the 1950's, when toys were simple: Hula Hoops, Pogo Sticks and Yo-Yo's. I suggest that kids companies only be allowed to produce these toys and a few that I thought pertinent to my childhood:

• Pointed Stick
• Large Box

With only these toys on the markets our children will be happy and we won't be wasting any more time on their dumb asses. Thank you and goodnight.