Murder's OSS

Do you find yourself unable to find a One Stop Shop for all your heinous needs and deeds? That annoying dog that keeps you up all night? That dead prostitute just lying in your hotel room? Well we've got the solution for you at Murder's One Stop Shop.  Your local gardening/hardware store doesn't have the answers that our confidant (legally bound to keep quiet) staff will have. Our aisle are set in an easy to use system, from murder weapons, costumes and most importantly clean up supplies and chemicals.

We Want You to Feel Confidant with Each Kill!

We only accept cash, it is for your own protection.


The Year 2016

In the Year 2016, There will be a great bond between the President of the United States and that of the Prime Minister of Canada. Their elections campaigns coincided at relatively the same time and their backgrounds made them good friends.

After President Obama finished his second term, the Democrats were in need of a strong candidate. The Green Party had a formable opponent, Robert K. Dole Jr., Son of Bob Dole. Luckily, the Democrats got their own contender: Paul Giamatti. Originally a semi-popular actor in the early 2000's, by the late teens he had become a has been.  Determined to get back in the limelight, he threw his hat in for presidency. Many thought it a joke, but he soon gained traction. Especially when he did the first international, cross-country campaign ticket. He teamed up with Canadian hopeful David Broadfoot, a comedian turned political advocate. Broadfoot had a long career as a comedian, and in later years had started writing political books. The two candidates took a road trip starting in New York and traveling in and out of each others country, giving joint speeches, interviews and photo ops. The road trip was highly successful and gave the two candidates a huge bump which eventually lead them to victory.

-Limbless Jack reporting from the Future


Birth Control

Have you ever felt that Axe Body Spray is not protecting you enough? I mean it is ridiculous, after applying, you have maybe 3 to 10 seconds before you are bombarded by very attractive women. Well thanks to the scientists at Axe, we have now added quick drying latex condom feature. Simply Spray Axe Body Spray and Liquid Condom® on the areas you want to smell nice and prevent births. So let those rabid ladies have their way with you, we've got you cover!


The Pros and Cons of Dating a Werewolf

A collaboration between 16,000/Square Mile and myself, we determined:

    Protection from vampires
    Protection from criminals who do not carry guns that hold silver bullets
    Night vision   
    Heightened senses
    Can walk around during the daytime
    The song "Werewolves of London"
    Retriever qualities
    Rabies proof?

    Ogre hands
    Full moon full crazy
    Rage blackouts (jealousy?)
    Ending up naked in public not on purpose or with your significant other
    Cage expenses
    Unexplained wounds

Not accepted by both parties as pros
    Mouth is cleaner than humans.  It has been Scientifically proven beyond a doubt!
    Super human strength

Famous couples that had this burden
    Glenn Close and David Evans Shaw
    Steven Tyler and Bebe Buell