Ikea Magazine

(Poems for the 2009 addition, how you have touched all of our hearts).

Here I Sit
I sit on Designer Furniture
Kids in the Corner
My love for cleanliness
The Magazine world,
Perfect to your eyes
My smile, your smile
The phone number in the corner
Beckoning you
Item # 32440 in Pearl White
It is all yours


Seeing Sounds

I was recently explaining how a conductor gnome would appear on a kids show, and that he emerge with a sound of a chime and a rainbow with stars. Then I was told there was no rainbow with stars that flashed across the screen, that I have been seeing sounds all along. The real question is how can we make that into a military weapon? What if Ride of the Valkyries really brought an army of angel warriors down into our realm? We could create horrible monsters with the music we make, think if Carole King's "Tapestry" could lead to clinical insanity. And further more, what if Canned Heat's "Going Up the Country" grew beards on anyone who listened to them? Just LOOK at the Before and Afters!

The Jack Attack Award
: Originally started for a very special feline, Tatiana (the tiger who said she was not going to take it anymore). So it seems that the "victims" are suing the state/zoo for slander and civil rights. It is time to rally people! Get your tiger clothes on and go to the streets!


Ledematenloos Jack

So I keep talking to people and I am thinking I should tell you (dearest readers of mine) that there are a few things that I must tell you.

Number Uno: It is true, I type with a pencil in my mouth and I have a joystick wheelchair which I control with my tongue.

Numero Two: Never, NEVER, never admit to stalking random people on the street. Your closest friends will never understand, nor will the people that you followed.

Thrice? Astronauts should not be allowed to have a myspace.