Shave Years off Your Life!

Since the modern age, man has been trying to keep themselves looking young. Well the answer has been right under our noses the whole time! We don't need to waste heaps of money on dangerous and permanent procedures. Our best friends, dogs and cats, have been aging gracefully and with the help from LimJa Inc., you can too! But don't take our word, look at our happy and successful test subject:

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NOTE: Do not have kids present when searching for "furry human face" on google...


The Gray Catbird

Named for its cat like "mew" it cries when it feels threatened, but it has the most beautiful singing voice. George Harrison states that the catbird sounds like it "Sings Chinese." The songs are to attract female into the dark shrubbery that the males reside in.
A relative of the mocking bird, which would explain the odd noises of the catbird. The catbird is of medium-sized bird, with a black cap and dark red under tail.
Their nests are built low to the ground in dark recesses of a shrub with twigs, vines and leaves. The female will lay 4 blue eggs into their concealed nest.

How to Attract:
  • Grow shrubberies, vines and fruit plants
  • Sugar water
  • Water (bird bath)
  • Insects
  • Brush piles
Next Week:
We will look at the Tufted Titmouse...Mmmmmmmmmmmmm Ok


BAM-ber Alert

Dear Readers,
I care! I care so much that I am gonna blow those saps at Missing Children and Amber Alert out of the water. I mean are these guys really trying? Alright Venture Capitalists, I got a start up for your check books. We start a non-profit that finally updates the missing persons business. So what is the problem with the current system you ask? It does not utilize mind association, unless they want us to think that it was our local mailman or liquor store attendant.

The solution? Put these kids pictures on things that will make us associate with kidnappers.

We Will:
  • Put the missing picture on foreclosed houses. I feel that the general population assoiciates kidnappers with poorly taken care of homes. I know I do.
  • Get the pictures on vans, such as the vans that service people, like a plumbers van or electrician's. These vans are constantly moving around and they are also used by kidnappers.
  • Finally missing people pictures on tshirts, and with the courts help, pedophiles and kidnappers will be mandated to wear it at least once a week for a set time. This will have people really associating the napper and the nappee.

And I know what you are thinking, Does he have experience? These are my prior projects, I think this will change your mind. BAM-ber Alert!