Jacklitos!

Dearest Readers,

My Jacklitos, how are you? Ha Ha, Great! Well now we are good friends eh? Splendid! So here we are....you know what I am getting at. If someone rapes a prostitute is it stealing? Untor!! Moving on, we are such good friends now, I think of you as my lil litos, my figurative children, but I have reached a rough patch. I need a surgery so I can get better, and you want me to get better, don't you? See (a pun in the future, you can laugh later) I have been betrayed by myself, my organs of sight, they are trying to have me killed. You know what my dear friends, the insurance company consider it an "elective surgery." I know what an outrage! So this is where we are, please my Jacklitos, I need to see, the rest of my body depends upon it. So give me a call my friends: 1-800-510-6763. Day or night my litos!

My life is in your hands.

Cheez-It Sandwich

I had not done this in a long time, I stepped off the sidewalk. The soft wet bristles met my size thirteens and there was rejoice. The soft earth was an old friend-Why weren't the homeless interested? I looked to the sky, lights swimming like tiny fish, frantic and crowded. I need to release my arm: I think it is time for a Cheez-It Sandwich!

"When life just is not going to plan, grab a Cheez-it Sandwich!"

Fired...The Sequel

Looks like my week away lead to a longer than expected holiday.

Again I am unemployed and trying to bum a job from a friend. It was a classy break though, he told me "he had found someone else" and that "he had to let me go." "It's not me it's you" I whispered back. Airports eh? Gonna go cash this check and move on in the world of service.

Geezers Need Excitement

I got employed for another retail job. I work with people, "You know Wade, we have hired 4 other people for this position." I guess I don't need to work so hard is what the owner is trying telling me. They fired the last guy they trained, the co-workers sometimes call me by his name(he is hated). I try to relate to my comrades, (blank stares) "...Was that a joke?" uhh, it was.

The logical conclusion is that this is a reality show, where they take a bunch of 20 something's and force them to all compete against each other for a single minimum wage job. They must form alliances, build in roads and remember to "up-sale." Geezers Need Excitement.

Paris Milton

A young lady famous for being slutty and inubriated (Paris Hilton) accidentally stumbles upon a time travel machine and is sent to 1651 London, England. There is an altercation when she arrives: her body melds with famous poet, polemicist and author John Milton. Now Paris Milton must travel through time to figure out how to reverse the body meld. Watch as this modern day odd couple tries to cope with fashion, religion and high school through out time!

"Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing." -Robert Benchley
"It is the must see gender bender show of the year" -New York Time
"Bill and Ted just got a sexy overhaul" -Skittles


3am on UPN every Sunday night.