Dear Zach Galifianakis,
I am a long time fan, first time writer. I feel like you have “it” but you have yet to really make "it" to the top. I started to think, “Why has he not become super famous, why doesn’t everyone know the name Galifianakis?” Then it came to me, you must start your own ‘Kis Army! Hordes of fans ready to die for your merchandise ideals, people who will argue over your jokes and their relativity to everyday life.
Now I know what you’re thinking: Thongs, but you must go further. Think about all the famous people, what do they have? Crazies. And now we have arrived to why I have decided to send this letter, I want you to hire me as you’re alpaca shepherd. I will don a white robe and follow around one alpaca, one that you have deemed worthy. For this to work you must choose an alpaca that is of the correct lineage, one of holy descent. You will make this alpaca your god and savior and I, you’re lonely shepherd will take care of your alpacas every need.
Although this may cause problems, such as I might (big might) become a messiah/prophet/false prophet. This may lead to things like plagues, magic and trying to predict the future. Anyway, I don’t need your fancy life style; I just need your alpaca and do you validate parking?