The Cardboard Box Forest

Some readers have been asking, "Jack what do you do all day?" My Reply: Magic, with a side of unlicensed super cheap liposuction!

Limbless Jack Cuts more than the Fat, He hits the Heart!

I Slash my prices by using outdated tools!

Bears in the Office

WARNING: BEARS IN THE OFFICE!! 

We here in California are having a hell of a time: the states bankruptcy, threats of earthquakes, a gas fire raging through San Bruno, but it seems there is a new threat to California....Bears in the office!! No, no, no, I am not talking about burly gay men(they've been there the whole time), but American Grizzlys and Brown Bear roaming our fine golden state offices. Now I admit that I haven't seen a bear in the office, but lets look at the facts:

• Jill's lunch went missing
• The odd dents in the walls around the office
• The Staff room is a mess
• The faint smell of redwoods
• The addition of complex tops to trash cans around the office
• Poop

Reenactment 

Dare I say these are crafty bears. The closer we get to the dead of winter the more I feel tired, as if their hibernation is contagious. So for my employed readers, Take Heed! We are in a struggle for our lives and offices.

On a side note, I would like to tell take a moment to tell you about teeth. Now I know my last post was about teeth and I know teeth are cool these days. Just realize that there is a dark side to teeth. Did you know that 95% of all bitings injuries are caused by teeth?

The Art of Flossing

Have you ever found yourself trapped at a social eating function without floss or a toothpick? I find myself eating and then there are other people/animals enclosing all the time (See me on Meerkat Manor at Discovery Channel 8/9 central). With food stuck in your teeth you are forced into alienation, discomfort and even wooden teeth! George Washington learned this the hard way, but he vowed for it never to happen to anyone else.

Unfortunately he would never find the cure, but I, Limbless Jack, have! I patented a technique that not only will start a whole set of un-awkward conversations(I had one in the men's bathroom!), you won't have gunk in your teeth. I like to think of my technique as the Mcgyver style of flossing. Simply grab something at or around the table and stick it in between the teeth that are having a foray with a foreign substance.

STEP BY STEP

1. Slide in quickly
2. Make sure not to get paper items soggy 
3. Pull out flossing agent with unwanted food

Warning! It is very bad if the flossing agent gets stuck in between your teeth

List of Famous People Who Have Employed This Technique to Impress Company

• Calista Flockhart
• Gene Hackman
• Sandra Day O'Connor
• Brooke Shields
• Superman's enemy
• Tupac Amaru II
• Posh Spice
• Tobey Maguire

List of Items I Have Used to Floss

• Paper Napkin
• Cloth Napkin
• Tissue
• Table Cloth
• Newspaper
• Knife
• Notepad
• Other food
• Dollar
• Straw
• Pen
• T-shirt
• Electrical wires
• Swishing Water/Wine/Melted Butter
• Hair 
• Cup
• And Much More...

Be A Winner -- Stick it in your mouth!