The Art of Flossing

Have you ever found yourself trapped at a social eating function without floss or a toothpick? I find myself eating and then there are other people/animals enclosing all the time (See me on Meerkat Manor at Discovery Channel 8/9 central). With food stuck in your teeth you are forced into alienation, discomfort and even wooden teeth! George Washington learned this the hard way, but he vowed for it never to happen to anyone else.

Unfortunately he would never find the cure, but I, Limbless Jack, have! I patented a technique that not only will start a whole set of un-awkward conversations(I had one in the men's bathroom!), you won't have gunk in your teeth. I like to think of my technique as the Mcgyver style of flossing. Simply grab something at or around the table and stick it in between the teeth that are having a foray with a foreign substance.


  1. Slide in quickly
  2. Make sure not to get paper items soggy 
  3. Pull out flossing agent with unwanted food

Warning! It is very bad if the flossing agent gets stuck in between your teeth

List of Famous People Who Have Employed This Technique to Impress Company
  • Calista Flockhart
  • Gene Hackman
  • Sandra Day O'Connor
  • Brooke Shields
  • Superman's enemy
  • Tupac Amaru II
  • Posh Spice
  • Tobey Maguire

List of Items I Have Used to Floss
  • Paper Napkin
  • Cloth Napkin
  • Tissue
  • Table Cloth
  • Newspaper
  • Knife
  • Notepad
  • Other food
  • Dollar
  • Straw
  • Pen
  • T-shirt
  • Electrical wires
  • Swishing Water/Wine/Melted Butter
  • Hair 
  • Cup
  • And Much More...

Be A Winner -- Stick it in your mouth!

1 comment:

Mary Standish said...

I can't believe I gladly went along with this.