An Evening in the City

A call from my neighbors, they are having a dinner party,  I immediately grabbed my jacket and went over.   As an honorary "refrigerator" friend, I knew my way around...what I didn't know was who would be there:
The Owners
Katie - Presumable a retired Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader, around 28
Dan - A high end stock broker, really into fine wine, drugs and boston red socks. 45 years old

The Guests
Christian Bale
Christian Bale's Fiancee (CBF)
Conan O'Brien
Tits Mcgee - Conan's wife

So here I am, endless free beer and Tits Mcgee hitting on me. She wants me to take off my pants,  luckily there is need for cigarettes which I donate my time to.  When I return, Bale, O'Brien and Tits are all in the hot tub, naked. To make it more interesting Tits wants to dive for a quarter, so there we were watching as 3 grown naked people wrestled in a hot tub for a quarter. CBF seemed to be quite annoyed with her husband to be, so we went inside, they followed.
Standing there as Tits was flashing everyone, I felt like maybe this soiree wasn't so bad, but then Bale just walked through the house naked, strutting.  Tits and Conan start making out, Conan at least found his clothes. Bale finally robed and Tits just went upstairs to do coke. For the coup de grace, Batman decided to show his superiority and challenge me to an arm battle. After he wins a game, he takes off his pants and demands that I lick his balls, Conan is yelling to see this too.  I turn and leave and as I am walking down the hall way I hear from Bale,

"Jack, I'm going to Tackle you."
"Alright"
"Ok are you ready?" he assumes the line back position, "HUT 42, HUT 42,  HIKE!"
He comes at me full speed, I step to the side and push him into the wall behind me. What have we learned tonight kids? Christian Bale is no fun to party with, he will just get everyone high on mushroom tea and leave your place in disarray.