Major Tom? Are you There?

The campsite had become a mess from all the commotion, but it was now desolate. The makeshift gauze pads were soaked in blood, crusty. For two days, the little boy had watched as his older brother’s energy had slowly left. The wind brought in the smell of pine and a crispness; night was approaching.

The younger brother got to his feet, he grabbed his brother’s jacket. How different his brother was: helpless, weak, and withered. He turned and walked into the woods. His legs started to move faster and faster, he felt free, happy almost. His brother’s jacket became a cape as he dashed through the trees. How long would it take him to catch up?

The mountain of trees had clouds of fog dabbed here and there, like whip cream had splattered from the heavens. The fog starts to pull all together into strings and the spaces in-between become dark. The gray longhaired man’s face appears out of the hillside. His face is haggard and scrapped up, yet he is not that old. He is whispering, but no words are heard. The imagine leaves the boy and is replaced with large white words,

“QUIET AS THE FOREST”
"STEADY AS THE MOUNTAIN”
"SWIFT AS THE WIND ”

The boy kept running, it wouldn’t be long now. Suddenly he comes upon the bottom of a cliff, trapped! There is a giant hangar door on the side of the wall, the little boy is in shock, “What the hell?” cursing for the first time in his life. The view slowly pans from the boy’s face to his feet. A pair of man’s feet slowly and loudly walks up to the kid’s feet. “CRAAACK”, the boy’s body collapses and the gray haired man’s feet step over the body towards the giant door.

Robots Are Consuming 6-Packs!

According to research I have done off the interweb, it seems that we are in major trouble! First off, I had no idea they were so ahead of the game, I mean seriously, Robots that like to drink! Now I know what you're thinking, "Oh dear god, what do I serve a robot if it comes over for diner?" Don't worry, Jack has the answer(Limblesswers)! See robots do not have fully functioning taste buds, so they need something a little crasser.

A Flaming Dr. Pepper:

• 1/2 pint of beer
• 3/4 a shot glass of amaretto
• 1/4 a shot glass of Bacardi 151 or Everclear

1. Light the Shot glass on fire.
2. Hand both the half pint and shot glass to the robot.
3. Add flaming shot to beer.
4. Chug-a-lug.

I am not allowed to explain this picture, but lets just say I approve.

Obviouso!

As of recently I have been getting fan mail, pleading me to super impose a picture of themselves on a baby with a famous person. Well for a small fee, I will create a super imposed picture of you as a baby with celebrities. Don't take my word, hear what my happy customers have to say!
"I couldn't believe the level of detail!"
"A picture that proves they are my parents!"
"Finally could shut him up!"
"Two peas in a pod!"
"My Friends don't get it!"

So sign up today! If you sign up within 3 days of seeing this post, I will throw in an extra special gift, Bacon Bits Cheese Milkshake! Or you can just make it at home, take a cheese packet from a Mac 'n Cheese box and mix it in milk, top with some bacon bits and you've got a nutritious on-the-go beverage!

Bromances

It's time for a talk with all the guys in the blogasphere. Don't you guys feel like anytime you're alone with someone you feel you're kinda on a date, regardless of sex/relation?

It is cause men are always on dates when they are 1-on-1 with someone. It has to do with that special part of the brain in our head, the part that wants to be impressive. It is the same reason why we light fireworks on the side of a mountain (am I right fellas? see below). This leads to a strange area, male dating. It is like "hey I want to be your friend, so lets go do something alone together!" This leads to something new, a bromance. The problem is that the guys become awkward, like on a regular date, but its more so. There is no tangible goal like a regular date, just working towards friendship.

Learn the Bromance Dating Etiquitte (BDE):

1. Be Nice and Relaxed as possible (You're not trying to make out with this one)
2. Have a manly form of entertainment: sports, video games and TV are good.
3. The Search for good food or watering hole is important activity in male dating.
4. No hugging, only fist bumps or hand shaking, if any form of greeting (depending on the situation)
5. Talking Points: Women, Douchebags, Sports, Guns, Politics, Annoyances, Fire (in that order)

So why male dating? Why the Bromancin'? It is cause we are practicing, building up our techniques/fine tuning/learning how to blow it. We cannot escape it.

Living Extreme DIY

• Buy some firecrackers/smoke bombs.
• Go Skiing/Snowboarding.
• Light them as you go down.
• Run from authorities/avalanches.
• Repeat.

How to Write a Popular Blog and Make Your Bed!

1. Find a site that will allow you to build a blog (Blogspot?)

2. Make the Blog! Design for how you want it, keep in mind what you're blogging about.

3. Start bloggin'. Write about that one time or that other time. Lie your ass off, tell people that you're starting a group that will mix the KKK and PETA together (K. PEKTAK). Maybe Just get really, really, personal, awkwardly...people will flock.

4. Network it! Tell your friends, get your mom in on it (she will probably be your only follower). Digg it, Stumble it, Graffiti it on a bus, just get creative with networking. Sign your email with a link or a message board. Be a total slut.

5. Get a web crawler. These lil guys go through your blog and make it more accepting of search engines. They cost money, but hey if that's what it takes to be the top search for "Hoses and Moses," it is worth it.

6. And if all else fails, write a blog about: how to write a famous blog. Bloggers line up for that kinda crap.

Now Learn Something Useful!